With a defunct NASA satellite set to fall back to Earth this Friday, it’s time to consider options in case something decides to fall in your backyard, or on a freshly-washed car.
Perhaps one of these ideas will help in preventing being hit by satellite debris:
- It’s probably time to make use of that nuclear bunker. Or the outdoor cellar. Whichever is more convenient. Ask your nearest conservative nut job if they have some room to spare.
- Take advice from Monty Python, and Run Away.
- Call in Bruce Willis and a team of oil rig guys to figure something out.
- Pass a stimulus bill to begin a shovel-ready project… next year.
- Screen Nicolas Cage movies across the country. Since no object on this earth (or soon-to-be on this earth) wants to see that, it’ll pass right over.
- Hide under a desk or near something that is either super-absorbent or impenetrable. Like Michael Moore’s girth, or Chuck Norris’s roundhouse kick, respectively.
- Move away from Nevada. It’s the desert where weird stuff usually happens – just look at Roswell, tornadoes, nuclear bomb tests and the movie Independence Day.
- Eat at McDonald’s. With any luck, the grease will cause anything to just slide right off.
- Fill the oceans with Jell-o mix. It’ll just sink into it. Plus, that would be one large bowl of orange-flavored goodness.
- Advance scientific technology to the point where you can transport yourself across the world in a matter of seconds. Of course, presumably if we had this technology, we could keep a satellite from falling out of orbit.
In all seriousness, however, I do hope that no one is hurt by the debris. Let’s hope it falls into a lake or on an uninhabited area, where it won’t do much damage. There is always a risk with placing something in space – whether it’s inanimate or a human being. Although I hear the possibility for casualties is low, stay safe everyone.